Dear Santa,
It’s us, Green Bay Packers fans. First off, we’d like to apologize for whatever foul language we used that may have put us on the naughty list this year. In our defense, the Packers loss at home to the San Francisco 49ers in the Playoffs was curse-worthy (did you even watch our special teams?!?!). Additionally, this season has not gone as we had expected, and well, we’re sorry for our hurtful words towards our screens and fellow human beings (except Vikings fans; we are not apologizing to Vikings fans. You understand, we are sure). Anyways, here we are a few days before Christmas and we thought we’d send you our last minute wish list. What do we have to lose at this point? We need all the help we can get.
1. A Packers Win on Christmas Day
Let’s start with our most immediate need. Santa, we really need to win on Christmas Day against the Miami Dolphins. ESPN has us as 4.5-point underdogs in this game. The Packers need to win this game to have any kind of realistic shot at the Playoffs.
2. A Magical Run
Look, we know that we are asking for a lot here. However, it’s happened before (2010) and we sure would like to see it happen again. Specifically, the Packers need wins over the Dolphins, Minnesota Vikings, and Detroit Lions. Any magical help in those games (numerous Christian Watson touchdowns, Devonte Wyatt playing time, and some retro Aaron Rodgers) would be greatly appreciated. Additionally, another Seattle Seahawks loss and two more Washington Commanders losses would be amazing. It’s not like Dan Snyder is on your nice list anyway.
3. A Healthy David Bakhtiari
Speaking of the nice list, we know that David Bakhtiari is on it. He has worked so hard to get back on the field. When he’s been on there, he is still a Pro Bowl caliber left tackle, as was evidenced by his alternate selection. Just when we thought he got through that knee injury, his appendix needs to be taken out. Santa, can you just let the man catch a break?
4. Run Defense
Of all the aspects of the Packers’ overall game this year, run defense has been the worst. We appreciate the gift in stabilization in our return game that came in Keisean Nixon. Additionally, we are excited about the young wide receivers we have in Christian Watson and Romeo Doubs. But Santa, can we please have a run defense? We are just so tired of watching opposing running backs (AND quarterbacks) run for 150+ yards against us.
Note: If you have bring us an entirely new defensive coordinator in order to do this, we certainly understand.
5. An Offseason Free from Quarterback Drama
We know this is asking an awful lot, but we would be remiss if we didn’t at least ask. Listen, we already heard the rumor that Jordan Love will request a trade if Aaron Rodgers comes back, and we cordially ask that the person who started that rumor gets coal in their stocking.
As for Aaron Rodgers, well, a quick decision for 2023 and 2024 would be nice.
Well, we think that’s just about all we could ask for (unless you want to pop an adequate safety under Matt LaFleur’s tree). Have a good sleigh ride and stay warm. With how cold it is, Packers fans have decided to leave you brandy out instead of milk.
Cheers!
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